Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
