I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
