just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
