He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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