No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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