hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
