I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
