Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
