I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
