the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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