my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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