I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
