Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
