five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
