Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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