do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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