with your own penis?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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