I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
