I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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