She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
