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I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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