here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
