So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
