the new term for farting is butt boxing.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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