I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sext me about skeletons
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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