How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
