I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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