It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
