so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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