Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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