Porn is love you can see.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
