sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
