he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
