update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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