life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
