The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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