So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
