don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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