the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
