She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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