hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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