did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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