How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
