And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
