well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
