Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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