Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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