The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
