When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
