Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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