I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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