The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
