i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
